To cops:
At first I didn’t take him seriously, but when the old man took a backswing with his cane and mumbled something about my wallet, I just gave it to him. I was leaving the last matinee showing of The Incredibles, so that must’ve been around 6:30. He was wearing a suit and wasn’t quite as tall as I am, so I’m thinking he was about 5’ 5.” He smelled strongly of citrus and, once he had my wallet, he dropped the limp.
To diary:
Mugged by very old man in suit. God, was that you?
To mother:
Mom! I was just mugged. I’m okay, but I can’t believe that after living in Mexico City I get mugged coming out of the dollar theater in Colorado Springs. The guy was a trip—he looked like old Ms. Penner’s suitor on angel dust. Must’ve been a snowbird.
To boyfriend:
Hey, you’ll never guess who lost her wallet… again. I ended up giving it some old man who wanted it more than I did. Do you still have BankOne’s hotline number in your phone?
Best friend (text message):
Mugged. Late. C u Soon.
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